Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Like you don’t have enough time to get it all done? Like you have said yes to too many people and too many commitments? And now you are stressed and falling behind and feeling like a failure?
I think this happens to all of us from time to time. Our lives are busy. We have jobs and families and extra-curricular activities. Technology has not helped us. It was once thought that technological advances would help us to get more done in less time so that we could have more free time; however, as a result of technology, the work day really has no end. It seems that email, text messages, and social media continue on well into the evening for most people.
If you are trying to do anything significant with your life at all in your church or community, others soon find out. This causes the requests to increase and the invitations to accumulate. Opportunities to be involved in many good things abound.
I don’t know about you, but at the present, my life has never been busier. I’m blessed to lead a multisite church where every weekend we have 10 different services (4 of which I’m physically present) reaching close to 5,000 people over 4 campuses. My wife works in real-estate, and we have 3 active teenage kids. With all of the opportunities and invitations for involvement, we have had to learn how to get really good at saying no in order to maintain our sanity and have a healthy family.
How does a person learn to say no? Although we certainly fail at times, these principles are what we use to guide us:
1. Prioritize what is most important.
Years ago, I read Steven Covey’s book, the Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. He wrote, “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage–pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically–to say, ‘No,’ to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.”
The enemy of the “best” is the “good.” This insight changed how I approach my days, weeks and months. In order to be able to say no to good things, you must identify and commit to the very best things, the things that are most essential and important to your success or calling on your life. I like the way Greg McKeown said it, “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”
2. Be okay with disappointing people.
Many times, we say yes when we should say no because we don’t want to hurt feelings. Many of us are simply people pleasers. I have had to learn that there is no possible way to please everyone. Handling the disappointment of others is a skill that develops as you become more and more aware of where your true value comes from and your purpose in life. One thing is for sure, disappointing others is a huge part of life. And really, when it comes down to it, the real question you have to consider is, “Whom will you disappoint?” If you say yes to too many work commitments, you may please your boss, but you will disappoint your family. There is a tradeoff. You will always disappoint someone; the question is who?
3. Overcome FOMO.
The fear of missing out can cause you to say yes when you should say no. We fear that we will miss out on an opportunity, a potential customer, or a potential connection or experience. This is a real emotion that causes us to overcommit. The consequences are an over-booked schedule and increased stress. If you are successful at identifying your highest priorities, you will find it easier to defeat FOMO. Knowing what is most important helps you to see other opportunities and invitations more clearly as what they are–good, but not the best. I love how John Maxwell put it, “You cannot overestimate the unimportance of practically everything.”
These are some simple strategies that have helped me and our family to avoid over-commitment and the burnout that follows. A great book to read to go further on this topic is Essentialism, by Greg McKeown.
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