“It’s not my fault!” Have you ever heard someone say those words? Have you ever spoken them about a specific situation in your life? Blame shifting is not uncommon in our world. It’s what’s natural and comfortable, and it allows us to stay where we are and not feel badly about it.
Henry Cloud said, “Blame is sort of a comfort food for the soul. It diverts us from the effort of owning responsibility.” I believe if we are unhappy in our current reality and want to experience a break through, it is possible if we will take full responsibility for our own lives.
The Danger of Blame Shifting
The greatest danger of blame shifting is that we become stuck.
When we are victims, we give away our power to someone else, which causes us to become stuck. We then can’t move forward because the power to act has been handed over to someone else. The responsibility is on someone else to change my current circumstances, which is a very hopeless and helpless place to be.
When we fail to take responsibility, we become stuck in that bad relationship or job that we hate. We remain controlled by that bad habit or addiction and ask ourselves, “What am I supposed to do about it?”
Take Back the Control.
When we begin to take responsibility and ownership of our lives, it puts us back in the driver’s seat. I love what Jim Rohn said, “If you don’t like the condition of your life, change it. You’re not a tree.”
As we take responsibility, we will then begin to act. This may look like taking that night class you know you need to take. Maybe you will apply for that new position or enter rehab to break that addiction. You are no longer a victim of your circumstances or other people.
When It’s Not Your Fault
I realize there are times when we are truly victims, and things happen to us that are out of our control. I’m not saying that you have to take responsibility for the horrible actions of another person.
What is not your fault is not your fault. Taking responsibility is not an admission of guilt. It’s not saying, “This was really my fault.”
When you take responsibility, you’re saying, “I can change this situation.” Now that this has happened to me, I have the power to react, to move, to apply for reassignment, to leave the toxic relationship, or to move to another state.
Your attitude, your emotional state, and your choice to become better or bitter all remain in your control. In Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he states, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” Stimulus – power to choose – response.
Where Do We Start?
I would encourage you to start listening to yourself when you speak. What do I mean by that? In your conversations, do you hear yourself blame others regularly for things that didn’t go exactly how you wanted them to?
Do you find yourself pointing fingers at your upbringing? Your parents? The amount of money you make? Your spouse? Are you making excuses for goals not met or tasks uncompleted? If so, you have fallen into the pattern of blame shifting. It’s time to take full responsibility for your life. Take the control back, get in the driver’s seat, and begin to take action today.
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