We’ve all been there. It’s Monday morning, and we find ourselves starting yet another diet. We do great all morning, eat a salad at lunch, and even make healthy choices at dinner. Something happens, however, once the sun goes down. Those voices that call you to the refrigerator or snack pantry are loud and persistent. Finally, you tell yourself, “Okay, I’ll go ahead and eat that snack, and I’ll just start my diet tomorrow.”
Self-control. It’s one of the most challenging things to develop, yet without it, we are sunk. If we go through life without self-control, we can expect a life of pain and heartache. We will experience trouble in our marriages, and we will face difficulties in our parenting, health, fitness, and even in our careers.
Usually, we don’t see a lack of self-control in all areas of our lives. There may be a few things that we do keep under control–maybe in our daily Bible reading, exercise program, or sites we visit on the internet. For some reason, however, there are those sticking points that we just can’t seem to get under control no matter how hard we try.
Defining Self-Control
Self-control is defined as, “The ability to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done regardless of how we feel.” In other words, it’s having self-rule. Proverbs 16:32 says, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” As you can see, God likens someone who has self-control as stronger and better than someone who has the ability to capture an entire city.
You’re Not Powerless.
When I practice self-control, I’m saying that, with God’s help, I’m going to take my feelings and desires, and I’m going to submit them to the action that needs to take place. I’m acknowledging that I am not powerless. I have control over my feelings and appetites, but it’s up to me to exercise that control. I’m going to tell those feelings and appetites that they no longer have a seat at the table.
Why is Self-Control So Difficult?
There are many reasons that you or I choose not to exercise self-control. Here are just a few.
- We live in a culture where truth is determined by feelings. We listen to our feelings.
- Fatigue. Many are just tired.
- Isolation. We’re supposed to live in community, but instead, we choose to live in seclusion and keep people from getting too close.
- There is no clear vision or purpose. Why do I need self-control? What will the benefit be to me? We need to be able to look into the future and have the foresight to know that this is what can happen if I will practice self-control.
- We have believed the lie that self-control is restrictive. It’s actually quite the opposite. The ability to do whatever we want (a lack of self-control) creates bondage because the consequences of it are often very painful and keep us from doing what we really want to do.
How Do We Develop Self-Control?
We’ve discussed why self-control is so important, and we’ve talked about why it’s so difficult to develop. So, how do we develop self-control?
- Start with something very small.
Don’t try everything at once. It’s important to give yourself a small win–even if it’s as simple as just getting out of bed or not binging on Netflix. - Attach as much pain as possible to a continued lack of self-control.
Play things out to what it will look like if you continue to lack self-control in that specific area. “If I keep doing this, this is how my life will look.” - Attach as much pleasure or profit to gaining self-control in this area.
Maybe you haven’t developed self-control in that specific area because you haven’t really made it worth the effort. Maybe it feels as if it’s not any big deal if you are successful at it. You have to make it worth your while by setting a specific reward for achievement. - Include others.
In Henry Cloud’s book The Power of Other, he shares that there is scientific evidence to prove that a person won’t get to the next level unless they have good, purposeful relationships in their lives. It’s saying to someone, “I’m going to submit my life to your accountability.” No one will do this for you unless you give them permission.
Self-control is like a muscle. If we will take the time to work it, it will grow in size and strength. We will be able to enjoy a life that has less pain and more freedom. As we experience our self-control growing, it will build our confidence to set and reach goals in other areas of our lives.
What is a small area in which you can start to exercise self-control?
(If you are interested in coaching, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me by clicking on the “Coaching” square to the right.)
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