Abundant life. John 10:10 tells us it’s the very reason Jesus came to die. He said in John 10:10, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
One of the most important life skills that we must learn in order to live this abundant life is that of forgiveness. The challenge is that forgiveness is not natural to us. Retaliation is what is built within us.
C.S. Lewis said, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.”
Jesus placed so much emphasis on forgiveness that He told Peter to forgive indefinitely in Matthew 18:21, 22. “Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” 22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!”
In other words, “Forgive as many times as you need to.”
What happens if we don’t forgive?
1. We get stuck emotionally.
Proverbs 18:19 says, “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city…” When I harbor an unforgiving spirit, I have to relive the offense over and over in order to keep holding it against the individual(s). Someone once said, “You can’t drive your car while you’re looking in your rearview mirror.” We will remain stuck in a never-ending cycle of pain. If I refuse to forgive someone, I place myself in bondage and will not be able to move forward.
2. We lose intimacy with God.
Matthew 6:15 says, “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” We will not lose our salvation, but we will lose the intimate quality of our relationship with God.
R.T. Kendall once said, “If believers are unwilling to forgive those who wrong them, how can we expect to be in fellowship with the Father who has freely forgiven us?”
3. We decide to play God.
When we choose to hold an unforgiving posture toward someone, we may not realize it, but we have placed ourselves in the role of God. In essence, we are saying that we know better than God, so we’ll handle things our way. Down deep, we may even want to make sure they get what’s coming to them, and we’re not sure God will execute the judgment they deserve.
God assures us that He’s “got this.” Romans 12:19 says, “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the Lord.” God loves both you and the individual, and He knows exactly what we need to move forward. Will we trust Him with our lives and with the outcome?
Where do we begin?
You may be thinking, “I understand unforgiveness is not good, but I just can’t do it. I’ve been hurt too much and too deeply. I feel they’ve gotten away with it, and they need to pay for what they’ve done to me.”
There are certain things that are just too much for us to forgive on our own, but that’s where we must lean into God and His strength. When He spoke to Peter about forgiveness, he placed no stipulations on it or, “If they…then you…” It was forgiveness without conditions.
In Part 2, we will talk about where to begin. We’ll discuss practical steps of “how to” forgive so that we can live the abundant life that God’s created us to live.
In closing, I want to acknowledge that many of you have suffered extreme pain though some form of abuse (sexual, physical or emotional). You may find that you need to seek out counseling to talk with someone who would love to walk closely with you through this process. I would highly encourage you to make that investment of time.
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