C.S. Lewis said, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.” In Part 1 of “Will You Forgive?” we talked about the fact that it’s God’s plan for us to live the abundant life He created us to live. Often, unforgiveness keeps us from experiencing that abundant life.
In Part 1, I shared some side effects that may impact your life if you choose not to forgive someone. They included getting stuck emotionally, losing intimacy with God, and deciding to play God in our lives. Be sure to check out Part 1 by clicking this link.
In Part 2, I want to share three steps you must take today to begin moving toward forgiving your offender(s).
1. You must love your offender.
1 Peter 4:8 says, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” Love is wanting what’s best for a person; therefore, based on this verse, forgiveness is simply an expression of love.
I know you may be screaming an objection in your head, “I can’t do that!” “You don’t know what they did to me!” As I said in Part 1, it does not come naturally to us, but the good thing is that we don’t have to do it in our own strength. God is ready to do supernatural things in your life in the area of forgiveness.
Matthew 22:39 says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Most of us don’t have a problem with doing what’s best for us (love), so God instructs us that we are to treat those around us with that same love.
2. You must choose to cancel the debt.
It doesn’t do any good to say you forgive your offender, yet you continue to hold their “debt” against them. Maybe you’re waiting for an apology or acknowledgment of their mistake. Maybe you continue to throw up their mistake(s) in their face. In essence, you feel it is your job to make sure they never forget what they did to you and how badly they hurt you.
When we truly forgive someone, we are saying, “You no longer owe me anything.” My forgiveness of someone cannot be dependent on an apology or a specific action. I have to cancel their debt and expect nothing in return.
Before we move on, I want to speak to those who have been abused in some way (physically, sexually, or emotionally). In those cases, you are still commanded to forgive, but your forgiveness does not excuse the action, nor should it necessarily remove any consequences they may need to experience for their abuse.
3. You must treat your offender as Jesus has treated you.
If the first two steps didn’t convince us to extend forgiveness, I believe this one definitely should. A lack of forgiveness is a lack of self-awareness. Every day, I should have enough self-awareness of how much Christ has forgiven and will continue to forgive me. How could I hold the position of an unforgiving spirit toward someone else? One of the final things Jesus did before He died on the cross was to extend forgiveness to those who had crucified Him. (Luke 23:34, “Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”)
I love Colossians 3:13. It says, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” I’m thankful that there are many people in my life who regularly “make allowances” for my mistakes; yet, why do I hold them to a completely different standard when it comes to my forgiving their mistakes?
Ephesians 4:32 says, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Our example is Christ, and when we have a self-awareness of all He has forgiven us, the only “right” decision is to extend that same forgiveness to those who have offended us.
What about you? Will you forgive?
To recap, there are three steps I must take to forgive my offender(s):
- Love my offender.
- Cancel the debt.
- Treat the offender as Jesus has treated me.
As we release our offenders from owing us anything, we become more like Christ. He is our example for us to imitate His character and actions. Is it easy? Never, because it’s not natural for us to forgive; however, the result will be living a peace- and joy-filled, abundant life.
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